jigglemyboobies:

kushaw:

jigglemyboobies:

Why was Hitler hit with a baseball?

because he was a fucking racist, sexist and homophobic nationalistic douchebag

no because he did nazi it coming

Jul 31 2:49 with 322,678 notes

thorxndor:

since I’m 18 now I had to call the hospital myself to get test results and I was simply planning on saying that I had a blood test last week and if I could get the results back but when the woman answered I said “I want my blood back” and hung up the phone, so I’m never trying that again

Jul 31 2:46 with 153,737 notes

churchofsterek:

gallifreyslocked:

when i was in year 5, i did a speech on clumsiness for my school’s public speaking contest and to be clever, i tripped on my way to the stage dropping my note cards all over the place, but then i pulled the real ones out of my pocket saying ‘if you’re going to be clumsy, it pays to be prepared!’

everyone lost their shit and i got second place

If you got second place who got first… Did they talk about fire safety and burn the stage down or something

(Source: thewinterswidow)

Jul 31 2:45 with 260,905 notes

lesserjoke:

I see you driving ‘round town with the girl I love and I’m like that’s cool, I guess she made her choice, and I gotta respect that. There’s probably a lot more going on in her life than I was aware of, which is actually a pretty good indication that our relationship was not in a healthy place to begin with. I wish you both the best of luck in making things work, and I hope we can all stay friends over this.

Jul 31 1:45 with 163,375 notes

unstartling:

you wrote your name on my heart in permanent marker but only let me write on yours in pencil

Jul 30 7:03 with 53,199 notes
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